It Gets Better: Ten Years Later

Ten years ago the It Gets Better campaign launched and became a powerful voice of support and perspective for LGBTQ youth in a time of deep crisis. Across the country, young people were dying by suicide and being beaten, harassed, and intimidated during their adolescence—a critical time of self-discovery.

At the time, I ran a small community newspaper that I co-founded in the Driftless region of Wisconsin. In November 2020, we ran a package outlining the issue and listing resources for help. This was my editorial in that issue under the headline: “Will you make it better?”  I am republishing it today because the question is still so relevant.

I can see my blind spots and omissions in this piece—I’ve decided to leave them in for transparency. I’ve also added an addendum for a couple of the key points that could have been better connected here.

Some things have changed for the better in the past decade—the U.S. Supreme Court victory for...

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Are you making this huge mistake about romance?

by Anne O'Connor

This week I wrote a love letter to my community.

I wrote about missing you all so much during this wild time. And I posted it on my private Facebook page. You can read it below this post.

Some wondered if I was missing a particular person—a lover who was at the center of all the things on the list.

Let me just say this now: If such a man exists and he’s single, will you introduce me?

Reading my letter as a romantic tribute to a lover I long for makes sense. We are so prepped for that interpretation. And that isn’t wrong. It just wasn’t the whole story.

What I wrote is a collection of all the love that I have or have had in my life. And yes, part of that is a longing for a particular lover. People heard my heart.

I have been and am well-loved. That is a treasure I hold with tender and careful hands.

Love, though, has as many lines as there are on your palm. Some are deep and long, some are hard to even see. Some lines run the whole distance....

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As Minneapolis Burns, A Letter To White People

Friends, especially white friends. As you know, Minneapolis is in a world of hurt. The city is grieving the horrific killing of George Floyd at the hands of a white cop with a long history of brutality. 
 
We all know white people who have perspectives and mindsets that are destructive. We may be those very white people. And if you don't know white people with dangerous perspectives, you're not looking hard enough or you're deciding to write them off. Now is the time to reconsider: talk to your uncle, your gran, your neighbor, your colleague at work. Reach out and stand up even if its awkward. Even if you get it wrong. 
 
It is past time to come to a new understanding of our roles. We must all act to dismantle systems that hurt black, indigenous, and people of color. This is on us. 
 
It is easy to sit on the sidelines and be sarcastic and cynical and to throw names and insults around, but that does more harm than good. Truly. I see this in...
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Better than Surviving: How to Stay Emotionally Well in the Time of COVID-19

 

Anne O'Connor

For some people, our new world of pandemic-required isolation has meant more time with loved ones, a welcomed slowing down, and maybe a little more sleep. 

And for others, the strain of trying to work from home with the kids around, working on the front-line jobs, the loss of connection, or watching loved ones suffer is taking a toll. 

Maybe it's all true at the same time. Which can lead to feeling happy and grateful one day and weepy and worried the next. If this sounds familiar, you're not alone. 

This week, I start a new video-interview series called "Better than Surviving: How to Stay  Emotionally Well in the Time of COVID-19. I'll gather experts who are steeped in the research and work focused on thriving and what it takes: yes, even in a pandemic. Through these interviews, we'll bring you practical ideas along with emotional support and a big dose of inspiration to get us through this time stronger and ready for whatever comes next. 

...

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Less Stress, More Love? It’s All In The Touch

by Anne O'Connor

A key strategy to staying healthy during the Coronavirus pandemic—keeping six feet apart from one another—can also have an unintended side effect: limiting the healing properties of touch.

“Touch has significant effects on health and well-being,” said Tiffany Field, director of the Touch Research Institute, in an email interview. “Touching, as in hugging and back rubbing, stimulates pressure receptors under the skin that in turn increase vagal activity—the vagus being the largest cranial nerve. This touching slows the nervous system by, for example, decreasing the heart rate and the production of stress hormones.”

Field said she hopes that people who are isolating together get more touch, now that many people are together more. And if someone is alone, she said there’s plenty that person can do to create the benefits in their bodies as well.  

Field is the founder of the Touch Research Institute at the University...

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You are allowed to be happy even when there is a pandemic

Although I am socially isolating, I'm doing my best to stay in touch with people. More than one person has said that they were kind of feeling cozy and enjoying being at home. In such a difficult time, there’s a bit of guilt that goes along with enjoying this time of isolation. Because although isolating can be challenging—even harrowing—the truth is that for some, it's not all bad. 

Let me acknowledge that it is quite bad for many.  Some who isolated folks are working with depression and anxiety and isolation is the wrong recipe for being well.  

And the people who are suffering with the actual virus and their families, times are tough. Also, for people who are not able to socially isolate because we need them. We can all send our gratitude and our support and our care to the sick and the people on the front lines, especially in health care. But all over, people are working in jobs because we need them, and they cannot...

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This is why you can't sleep: How to build all-day energy

by Anne O'Connor


Sleep solves so many problems. And the more irregular and infrequent your sleep, the more problems you have.  

I'm not just talking about sniping at the people you love and being unpleasant to be around—although I am talking about that. Don't sleep and your relationships are going to stink. That's the real deal. If you find yourself regularly cranky, irritable and short-tempered, you may want to consider more sleep. Your people certainly want you to.  

It's more than our relationships that are affected though. Not getting enough sleep can contribute to all kinds of other problems—everything from being overweight, to lower libido, a host of illnesses and car crashes. Plus, people being sleep-deprived has been linked to some of the most serious accidents in memory—Chernobyl, the Exxon Valdez crash, and the space shuttle Challenger accident. Some research shows that people who sleep less die earlier. With...

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This Is Why I Do What I Do

 

Who actually gets everything they need from their parents? Almost no one. Is there anything worse?

Well, passing all that didn't work on to our kids or others we love...ugh.  

Today, I tell my story about going to hell--first with my father and then, as so often happens, with my own children. And how we all found the way back. 

There's never been a better reason for me to become a better person than my children. 

Take a look at today's video and sign up for my email list so you won't miss this amazing offer we're putting together for you. 

Thanks for being here! 

love to you and your favorite people, 

Anne

 

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Resiliency? Not so fast.

Uncategorized Sep 06, 2019

by Anne O'Connor

The brutality of sexual violence seems unbearable. But here’s the thing about seemingly unbearable parts of life: we still have to bear them. How can we help one another bear life’s tragedies, big and small? 

There’s a ton of talk now about resiliency: the ability to overcome—especially quickly. The research is clear that we can build resiliency even after the worst of circumstances. But I wonder if this hopeful perspective is helping us do some thing we humans are already so good at: rushing past the hard parts of recovering from a traumatic event.  

Timing and support is everything. 

There are times when resiliency is too much to ask for.  Sometimes, the weight and the cost of the assault is so heavy and high. How hurt is too hurt? Are there some of us who just won’t be able to stand back up? What do we do then? 

There is a way to help deeply hurt people. But we don’t...

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How to Know Yourself: Look to Your History

self-knowledge Mar 17, 2019

Happy St. Patrick’s Day! 

For me, this is a day to remember my ancestors and to celebrate Ireland, the green island of my grandparents.

My father’s name was Patrick, and maybe you know that Catholics are fond of celebrating their saint’s “Feast Day.” This is a day on the calendar that the Catholic Church assigns to a particular saint—the patron saint of Ireland. And while I long ago left behind the shame and the guilt and the abuse of the Catholic Church, I’ve had to make peace with the guy who raised me in that church.

So St. Patrick Day in my household always had the fanfare of the holiday—parades and shamrocks and wearing green and a celebration of all things Irish. And the deeper meaning of it being my father’s day. Now, it seems that everyone loves to celebrate St. Patrick’s Day. I was reminded of how prevalent this is when I looked at the Google icon today:

Google is using the triskelion in a beautiful tribute...

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